Swap ’til you drop – a chick-lit style account of our film shoot (sort of)

Chapter nine

Nat and Lolly stood on the side of the street, their Nokia N95 cameras poised and ready to film. Their hearts in their throats, they watched and clicked ‘record’ as Isabella from Milan, walked down the busy Cannes high street. She stoppped in her tracks, having seen something across the street. Lolly looked over to see the very striking Olga from Russia, her hair golden blonde, a figure to die for. Olga and Bella checked each other out and smiled at each other. Then, in the bare light of day, Bella pulled her black top over her head, revealing her full double E cup bosom that was bursting out of an iridescent white bra. A shocked crowd of onlookers looked on at the growing spectacle.

Olga looked up, and nervously began to do the same. She’s going to bottle it, thought Lolly. She’s going to be too nervous for sure… Bella is totally relaxed and in her element, but Olga seems less sure. But hang on, what’s this….

Lolly and Nat looked on, amazed as Olga pulled her royal blue dress over her head and stood in her bikini on the street, smiling. A hilarious strip-tease then ensued; the crowds of onlookers laughing and watching with amazement. Then, Lolly and Nat capturing it all on their video cameras, Olga and Bella began to throw their clothes across the street over the traffic. A belt here, a red stiletto shoe there. Then suddenly, a passing motorcylclist received a flying red belt in his face as Olga sent hers flying into his path by accident. Lolly quickly got to her feet and ran after him.

‘Je suis desolee monsieur!  Ah i’m sorry! Merci, merci….’


Author’s note

Luckily our poor cyclist was fine and no one was hurt in the making of this viral film. The police seemed to enjoy the whole thing; the only one who didn’t was Mr Grumpy Shop-owner who demanded that we stop or he call the police. We just pretended to finish up and moved further down the street. Luckily our continuity didn’t suffer… Anyway, I think we did really well to write the ad, find our cast and location, produce, film and direct it and still have time to buy the cast some bieres, all in one day…! Also it was nice the way we both naturally adopted certain roles – Lolly was head of bag-holding, background artiste cinematography, and making sure all the ‘talent’ was fed and watered…oh and helping direct the performances. Nat was the main camera(wo)man and did everything else I can’t remember now! We worked really well as a team, and most importantly there was No Squabbling!!

All that was left to do by the end of thursday was edit. Mmmm, shouldn’t take too long, surely, we thought? We know what we’re doing in iMovie! Well, all except for a little thing called the file format converter droplet.


                                                                                                                                                                                                To be continued…   


We open on a beach

‘Challenge NatandLollyeka.’

Scene one. 

We open on a beach in the South of France. Lolly and Nat are strolling up and down, scouting for ‘talent’. It’s boiling hot.

LOLLY: Look here’s one. She’s got her top off. She looks comfortable with her body? 

 NAT: She’s got such an amazing figure! OK. you say it.

LOLLY: No, you.

NAT: NO. I’ll help you out. But you’re good at this stuff.

Lolly shrugs and they both walk up to Isabella, a stunning Mediterranean sunbather.

LOLLY: Excuse me. Parlez vous Anglais? Sorry. I’m frightfully sorry to bother you. But we have to ask you something which will sound really strange.

BELLA: Hello, yes?

LOLLY: Don’t be offended, but we wondered if you were a model, and if you’d strip off in our ad for charity? it’s for MTV. We have no money and we have to film it today… It’s crazy what we’re asking you but you’d be helping us out…No, I can see what I’m asking is nonsense. Don’t worry…

BELLA: Sure, i’ll do it. When?

Scene two

Another bit of beach. Nat and Lolly scouting for boys. You’ll have to imagine the rest as we’re running out of time on the computer. Apologies for the radio silence. We have been busy CREATING. It really is incredible what they expect you to do here with no budget, hardly any time and no cast members (except for the Dutch, who have their entourage of 40 fans!). But it’s been so much fun and we feel really lucky to be here! NEedless to say we pulled it off, we hired Bella, Olga and two lovely French guys, and they all did an amazing job. More to follow…